26/05/2025
I wasn’t going to post this…
It’s been tougher than it should be to share this. It was even tougher to find within me any inclination to pick up any art materials and get started. According to theory, Creativity can only begin to flow when all your basic needs are met. This makes so much sense to me as it has been a tough few years to say the least. Once all of that was out of the way, it’s been a process to overcome the negative self talk and internalised comment replay of some overly critical teachers (not Miss Divine though, because she was amazing!).
I did it though, I picked up my amazing and supportive partner’s pencils and a pad and just started to sketch. I did it with no expectation or aim for perfection. This took around an hour to create and initially I was quite pleased with it. However shortly after I begin critiquing it and finding faults. It’s quite common amongst artist types to be this way as it helps to improve. The issues begin when the balance is tipped and it turns from critique to outright self criticism.
At this point I had to bring myself back to balance and remember why I did it in the first place. I did it to help my mental health and because it feels good to draw and paint. My creations aren’t perfect but they aren’t bad either and some people do like them. It’s always been a constant struggle which I don’t really share much.
I don’t want to lie when I say I enjoy art. The truth is it’s a double edged sword as I enjoy it when immersed in it. It’s only when I’m out the other side and begin to tear it down it causes me pain. When I was young, I would upset my poor mother regularly by actually ripping up my finished work. All because some small part wasn’t quite right!
Anyway, here is a portrait of my beautiful girlie Lexy. I know it’s not perfect but it’s a start. A start which hopefully rekindles the passion I lost and which can help me recover further.
Sharing this in the hope my own vulnerability can help another.
