Benevolent Order of Antelopes

Benevolent Order of Antelopes A service group that strives for mediocrity. An “if we can be bothered” attitude.

Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that Thursday is once again the 2nd Thursday of the month, which means the B...
05/12/2026

Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that Thursday is once again the 2nd Thursday of the month, which means the Benevolent Order of Antelopes will be forced to gather at 7:07 PM. Or whenever the alarm bell signals. Whichever feels less disruptive.

Last meeting achieved record mediocre attendance, which was honestly more participation than we were hoping for. Thank you to everyone who didn’t show up. Your continued dedication to contribute the bare minimum is appreciated. Traditions matter.

Additionally, Antelope Alan has been placed back on probation after repeatedly discussing Antelope business outside of approved meeting hours. As a reminder, unsanctioned enthusiasm remains grounds for disciplinary punishment.

There will probably be a fire.

I will also, against my better judgment, be dedicating at least 30 exhausting seconds to updates from the most recent Stand By Me meeting. Please prepare yourselves accordingly or don’t. It really doesn’t matter.

Meeting begins at 7:07 PM sharp-ish behind Janky Bird in Brownsville. Attendance is discouraged but technically appreciated.

Lastly, a photo of past Antelopes Rob and Norman was presented to us, circa 1985. As you can see, even meetings in the 80’s showed mediocre attendance. Both antelopes were likely disciplined for showing enthusiasm. A direct violation of our sacred bylaws.

Bad news again.Due to suspiciously good weather and a continued lack of individual drive, we will be meeting tonight.Do ...
04/09/2026

Bad news again.

Due to suspiciously good weather and a continued lack of individual drive, we will be meeting tonight.

Do not expect anything that even resembles productivity. This falls squarely in the middle of our 11-month off-season, and we intend to honor that tradition with as little effort as possible.

Perhaps there will be a fire. Perhaps there will be mediocre company. Almost certainly there will be conversations most becoming of an Antelope.

Anyone caught discussing anything even mildly productive will immediately trigger a motion to have them elected into office, per the bylaws regarding off-season violations. You’ve been warned.

In other administrative failures: Antelope Alan is officially off probation. His violation of the Antelope Code of Conduct, Section 3, Paragraph 4, has been forgiven after submitting a crock pot of baked beans in lieu of a fine. Justice has been served.

As always, we will gather at 7:07 in the alley next to where we hide the dead body.

Boom baba boom.

Bad news. Looks like we’re meeting tomorrow. We’ve done our best to make excuses, but came up short. Weather permitting ...
02/12/2026

Bad news. Looks like we’re meeting tomorrow. We’ve done our best to make excuses, but came up short. Weather permitting we’ll be outside around the fire pit. Boom baba boom!

10/09/2025

Terrible news. Meeting tonight has not been canceled. Sorry. Boom-ba-ba-boom

09/11/2025

Attention antelopes! Due to entirely foreseen and absolutely preventable circumstances, we are canceling our meeting tonight. Take this time to continue to reflect on Antelope Alan, and his actions most unbecoming. Boom-ba-ba-boom!

📯 Antelope Alert: Meeting Reminder (Unfortunately Still Happening)Despite our most half-hearted attempts to ignore respo...
08/13/2025

📯 Antelope Alert: Meeting Reminder (Unfortunately Still Happening)

Despite our most half-hearted attempts to ignore responsibility, the next meeting of the Benevolent Order of Antelopes is STILL scheduled for tomorrow:

🕖 Thursday, 7:07 PM
📍 Janky Bird, Brownsville OR

If you were hoping it had been quietly canceled and replaced by a nap—you’re not alone. We also hoped that. But alas, duty (ugh) calls.

🗂 Agenda (sigh):
1. Punishment of Antelope Alan – For grievous bylaw violations, including but not limited to enthusiasm.
2. Lolly-gagging – As per usual.
3. Actual gagging – Bring your own clothespin.
4. Dilly-Dallying – Structured procrastination segment.
5. Stand By Me Day Recap – A recount of questionable decisions and at least one flesh wound.

🐐 Thinking of Joining?
There’s never been a better time to be completely unproductive. Our calendar for the next 12 months is impressively empty. No fundraisers. No obligations. Just pure, aimless mediocrity.

Show up. Or don’t.
But if you do, bring snacks. Or don’t. We’re not your mother.

Warmest indifference,
Antelope Jeff
Benevolent Order of Antelopes
https://www.boombababoa.org

Attention, citizens!It has come to our attention that one of our members has committed serious violations—not only again...
07/28/2025

Attention, citizens!
It has come to our attention that one of our members has committed serious violations—not only against the beliefs of the Antelopes, but against our most sacred bylaws. Antelope Alan was seen having fun, displaying general enjoyment, and—most grievously—smiling. Rest assured, these deeds will not go unpunished. If we can be bothered, the matter will be brought up at the next meeting. This level of betrayal has not been seen in our 100 years of service. Most unbecoming of an Antelope.

Bad news antelopes! Our meeting this month has not been canceled. As it is our last meeting before Stand By Me Day, we m...
07/08/2025

Bad news antelopes! Our meeting this month has not been canceled. As it is our last meeting before Stand By Me Day, we may actually discuss important stuff. If you are unable to attend, we understand. The collective group will try and show restraint when assigning volunteer duties for SMBD! Join us this Thursday at 7:07. Boom ba-ba boom!

06/11/2025

Good news. Meeting is canceled on Thursday due to a softball. Those with near perfect attendance can rejoice.

Meeting Reminder – Benevolent Order of AntelopesAttention Antelopes,Just when you thought you were safe, here comes your...
05/08/2025

Meeting Reminder – Benevolent Order of Antelopes

Attention Antelopes,

Just when you thought you were safe, here comes your reminder that our regularly scheduled meeting is happening today, May 8th, 2025, at 7:07 PM (or whenever the fire alarm tells us what to do).

We understand this may come as a surprise, since we just canceled a meeting last month, which was easily one of our most popular decisions. But alas, the time has come to pretend to be productive again.

On the Agenda (allegedly):
• Continued discussion of Stand By Me Day 2025—yes, the one thing we sort of commit to each year. Will we plan anything useful? Probably not, but you never know. Will we talk in circles until someone snaps? More likely.
• The meeting may or may not include items of importance. No promises, no pressure.

Meeting Notes (or lack thereof):
• Our last meeting was canceled, so no notes exist.
• The meeting before that happened, allegedly. We can’t remember what we did, but there’s a solid chance it was extremely important and no one wrote it down. Classic.

Additional Non-Essential Updates:
• Bring your finest level of disinterest.
• Overachievers will be monitored for suspicious enthusiasm.
• Eye contact is discouraged.

See you tonight (or don’t—we’re not keeping track),
The Benevolent Order of Antelopes

04/10/2025

Attention Antelopes,

It is with great pleasure and absolutely no regret that we announce our meeting tomorrow, April 10th, is officially canceled!

For those of you who were running out of creative excuses for not attending, congratulations—your procrastination has finally paid off. Consider this your lucky day and a shining example of Antelope-level commitment.

Carry on with your usual level of minimal engagement,
The Benevolent Order of Antelopes

Address

134 Spaulding Avenue
Brownsville, OR
97327

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