Hot Babes of Art History

05/13/2026

05/08/2026

One is struck first by the border — multicolored dashes surrounding everything. We gather quickly that the frame of the piece is the worldview of a child soon to receive an autism diagnosis.

The frenzied content mirrors the energy of youth. A goat is stepped on by a naked woman — normally a privilege reserved for children at a petting zoo — but in Chagall’s oeuvre we are all of us kids. Much as primitive man scattered various figures on a cave wall, his work functions like montage: everything taking place simultaneously and without distinction.

Beyond the border and the blue background, the two main uses of color are the pink hue in the belly of the tallest figure, a likely reference to pregnancy, and the orange-red of the upside down figure in the top left. Her color seems to overflow from the border itself, breaking the fourth wall of the piece, and in light of her placement reads as a spiritual intervention on the scene.

Whatever is actually happening here, it seems worthwhile that Chagall visit soon with a child psychologist.

7.6

Marc Chagall, Le Nu Bleu, 1978

Black text print enhanced by the lithograph M.1049. Gouache on a colored lithographic background.

Star sign: capricorn
Likes: snow days, pizza for dinner, when teacher forgets to assign homework
Belief system: reformed judaism

05/08/2026

One is struck first by the border — multicolored dashes surrounding everything to be scrutinized. We gather quickly that the frame of the piece is the worldview of a child soon to receive an autism diagnosis.

The frenzied content mirrors the energy of youth. A goat is stepped on by a naked woman — normally a privilege reserved for children — but in Chagall’s oeuvre we are all of us kids. Much as primitive man scattered various figures on a cave wall, his work functions like montage: everything taking place simultaneously and without distinction.

Beyond the border and the blue background, the two main uses of color are the pink hue in the belly of the tallest figure, a likely reference to pregnancy, and the orange-red of the upside down figure in the top left. Her color seems to overflow from the border itself, breaking the fourth wall of the piece, and in light of her placement reads as a spiritual intervention on the scene.

Whatever is actually happening here, it seems worthwhile that Chagall visit soon with a child psychologist.

7.6

Marc Chagall, Le Nu Bleu, 1978

Black text print enhanced by the lithograph M.1049. Gouache on a colored lithographic background.

Star sign: capricorn
Likes: snow days, pizza for dinner, when teacher forgets to assign homework
Belief system: reformed judaism

05/05/2026

Upon seeing a piece by van Dongen, it is not uncommon to note ‘these some freaks huh.’ In other words, the exact type of people with whom you want to go clubbing. In the netherworld of a night out, his subjects shed the costumes they wear during day lit hours.

Much about these two is birdlike - shoulder blades peek out like wings, eyelashes morph into feathers, their arms reach like swan necks winding up. If not more bird than human, in this state they certainly seem more animal.

Against the deep blue of the night, energy radiates and points all of us up. Drunk in movement, they have freed themselves to dance in the world of pure spirit, and - lucky us - they are taking us with them.

8.3

Kees van Dongen, Les deux anges, 1907-09

Oil on canvas

Breasts: all too human
Wingspan: 75 in / 1.905 m
Go to club move: stanky leg

04/20/2026

The tension between spirit and flesh has intrigued artists just as long as it has plagued libertine fanatics. In other words, for all time.

We find this conflict allegorized in a Romantic work by Scheffer. Two beauties: a Mary-like figure, clothed and virginal; beside her, a girl more Roman in attire, rolling her eyes at the stand-in mother. In her hand, flowers that appear already to wilt — pointed criticism of her devotion to the temporal, to the flesh.

The pious woman may seem stodgy by contrast. But the life of the spirit is everlasting. Eros is but a passing shadow, though how we love to watch her go.

8.9

Ary Scheffer, Heavenly and Earthly Love, 1850

Oil on canvas

What if: they switched outfits
What if: they were trapped together on a deserted island long enough
What if: they kissed

P.S. Instagram is forcing us to censor. We are this close to losing everything.

04/16/2026

Known for sculpture more than portraiture, Archipenko crafts a solid but abstracted female form. She is statuesque in solidity and in her distance. With the orange hue that surrounds her, she is lit as the moon when it eclipses the sun; likewise, she feels equally distant to us. Yet she dominates the frame and our interest. In true selenian fashion, we cannot help but wonder what might be found on those sides of her hidden away from our view.

6.8

Alexander Archipenko, White, Gray and Yellow (Seated N**e), 1938

oil and crayon on card laid down on board

Feet: looks like hands
Hands: kinda looking like feet
Face: back of the head

03/03/2026

She is dreaming — for it is October. What else can she do? Too autumnal for the beach yet too sunny for a day inside, all that remains is to plant one’s naked ass on her favorite spot and lose oneself to fantasy. Her’s is an open expression that appears to be, not pondering exactly, but dreaming as one feels the sunshine on their skin, allowing it to wash over as a sensation. She dreams in the same manner she feels the breeze. And about what is it that she dreams? Perhaps, how her life will look come next October.

7.4

Maxfield Parrish, Dreaming (October), 1928

oil on board

Suffering from: acute wistfulness + gangrene
Wondering why: are there so many songs about rainbows
Nymph of: sitting down

12/03/2025

Certainly, you whisper to yourself, she is chilly; for it is fall and she is naked. The leaves have turned, now rich in color, and a chilled wind blows through her beachy hair. This is not your typical Maine autumn but the overstay of last season — an Indian summer — when the heat lingers well into the fall. And so too does her festive mood linger, basking naked as though this were a rather risqué Fourth of July party and not a clearing in the woods (though, to be fair, many such parties have occurred in similar clearings). Upon inspection, a faint but decisive underwear tan line arcs across her buttocks. Perhaps this is the true reason for her nakedness, a final sunbath to remedy imperfection before the opportunity is gone. Despite seeing only her fully exposed backside, explanation along these lines seems wholly insufficient to capture the depths of her yearning. Like many stoic figures, she exudes despair. No doubt something in her dies with the season, yet seasons do change. And whatever is plaguing her, there is always next year to fix it.

6.8

Andrew Wyeth, Indian Summer, 1970

Tempera on panel

Indian summer: racist now?
Ass tan line: completely distracting once you see it
Interesting counter-piece: Caspar David Friedrich,
Wanderer above the Sea of Fog,1818

11/25/2025

She sits in a posture reminiscent of “Girl with a Pearl Earring,” yet without accoutrements. All she possesses are her very red lips and a powdered face, so excessively covered that it extends down her neck scattering at her shoulders and chest. Also unlike the “Girl,” the woman’s expression is closed off. Her lips are pursed. Her eyes seem knowing, encircled like anti-raccoons’, by makeupless rings. In this light the white powder actually calls to mind what makeup intends to hide; her weathering, her experience with life. She wears it on her face. She makes no effort to conceal. Perhaps that is her wisdom.

8.6

Andy Warhol, Unidentified woman, 1980

Polaroid Polacolor 2

She might consider: a touch of blush
Shadow: lowkey haunting
By the standards of this page: insane photorealistism