04/24/2026
OVER-THE-HILL GANG (AKA Grumpy Old Men) STRIKES IN BROAD DAYLIGHT IN HARRISON!
Reported by Jeff Middleton
[The following story is TRUE! The names have been omitted to protect the GUILTY! As you, the reader, are likely accustomed to reading stories of the history of Boone County and Harrison (usually long past), this month we deviate to report on a “…hazardous and technically unexplainable journey into the outer stratosphere” to quote the Grand Poohba himself, the Wizard of Oz. I would add, also unexpected! No names will be revealed, not even on the threat of death or being forced to listen to an hour of Yoko Ono caterwauling! ]
It all began innocently enough with a stack of newspapers. Harrison Daily Times newspapers to be more specific. And even more specifically, the July 4, 1986 Sesquicentennial Edition, with 9 complete sections and 200 pages total! Years ago the Times donated hundreds of leftover copies of that newspaper to the Boone County Heritage Museum, where they sat in storage boxes for years. Recently, the decision was made to offer these to the public free of charge, as this paper is a wonderful keepsake and incredible document of the local history. This offering was advertised in the Museum page, as well as by word of mouth.
What could possibly go wrong??
Fast forward to the fateful day in February. This writer, who is also a museum volunteer, received a call from the Harrison Police Department at approximately 1 pm on a weekday, reporting that the outside burglar alarm was going off at the museum and police were being dispatched. As I was currently indisposed at the local veterinarian with a sick dog, I referred the call to two other volunteers, one of whom rushed to the museum to find the museum door open and officers inside “clearing’ the scene! The alarm was quickly disabled. Nothing inside had been disturbed EXCEPT that the stack of the aforementioned free Harrison Daily Times newspapers (which had been right beside the entrance door) was gone, and a large potted plant inside the door had been overturned. The main mystery of course was who took them, and how did the door get opened?
Well, we museum volunteers, being experts at “tracking down clues”, quickly went to work. We had no intention of letting this brazen break-in go unsolved. Recently some security cameras had been installed inside the entrance door, due to a theft that had occurred the previous year.
Upon reviewing the camera footage, an elderly gentleman with a Razorback cap (imagine that!) was standing inside the door. Another person, not fully visible, was beside him. (Keep in mind that a “CLOSED” sign was visible from the outside, and the museum was dark). The parts of their conversation that were discernable went something like this:
“The lights are off. I don’t think anybody is here”
“But the door opened when I pushed on it”
“Are these the newspapers?”
“Yes, that’s them.”
Right about then, the burglar alarm began shrieking outside the entrance, loud enough to be heard all over town.
“Do you think that’s us?”
“I think so”
“Let’s get the papers and go”
The second person’s face never appeared on the screen, but almost immediately, both disappeared. The outside camera, for whatever reason, did not record anything or anyone at the entrance. The reprobates obviously left in haste, since no one was there when the police arrived a few minutes later. At that time, it seemed as if there were only two of these bold newspaper snatchers.
The story does not end there. The sleuthing continued and this writer, who just happened to be carrying on a casual conversation with a gentleman, stumbled upon the truth, mostly due to the guilty conscience of said gentleman.
In the words of the famous Paul Harvey, “And now,………the rest of the story”!
It seems that on the day of the infamous break-in, four elderly, and formerly upstanding male citizens, had gotten together in town for breakfast and to reminisce about “the old days”. One of the group casually mentioned that he had heard that the Museum was offering free copies of the 1986 Sesquicentennial Times, and another of the group suggested that they swing by and each pick up one. What could be more innocent? However, upon arrival at the front door of the museum, and faced with a “Closed” sign and a darkened interior, they were not to be denied. Apparently thinking back to their long, long, long ago days of youth, when a locked door and “closed” sign would never have stopped them, one bold fellow pushed on the door and Voila! It sprang open. Pushing aside the aforementioned 3 foot tall potted plant (For all the curious, it was a “Mother-in-law’s Tongue!) Two entered, while it is assumed that one stood guard while the fourth kept the motor running in the getaway car. The entire crime took only a few seconds. Clutching their ill-gotten treasure, the three of them shuffled (no running involved) down the steps to the street and the wheel man urging them to hop in.
As there is no video of the actual escape, it is not known in which direction they fled. What IS known, is that these brazen scofflaws decided to document their heist by photographing themselves in their escape vehicle, a four-person selfie of these ancient larcenists grinning like the Cheshire Cat. (This photo is now in the possession of local law enforcement).
So there you have it: four elderly formerly prominent citizens, reliving their wild days of youth, casing the town for excitement, and finally absconding with FREE items. Obtaining these free items, however, required a public, middle of the day burglary, which set off a manhunt for four of the most notorious outlaws to hit Harrison since Henry Starr and his gang tried to rob the People’s Bank in 1921.
Due to their age, as well as to their local connections, the Museum declined to prosecute, since the only thing missing were free newspapers, and the only casualty was a 3 foot tall Mother-in-law Tongue plant! Who knows but what a nice donation to the Museum might be the result of this hilarious escapade!
