05/14/2026
I thought you West Virginians might enjoy this story about a shark off our coast
BREAKING: West Virginia officials are reportedly “monitoring” an 8-foot great white shark that somehow got tracked near the state line… which is especially concerning because the nearest beach is basically somebody’s muddy fishing spot behind a Dollar General. 🦈😂
Locals aren’t even panicking though. One guy in a camo hoodie allegedly looked at the news and said, “If that shark wants smoke, it can meet me behind the gas station at 7.”
Meanwhile, Facebook comments in West Virginia immediately turned into chaos:
“That ain’t no shark, that’s Earl after tax season.”
“Probably escaped from Ohio.”
“If it can survive the roads here, it deserves respect.”
“Don’t worry, a mountain grandma with a cast iron skillet will handle it.”
State troopers reportedly received 43 calls from confused residents asking: “How’s a shark climbing mountains?” and at least one man demanded to know if his pontoon boat insurance covers “aquatic predators from the Discovery Channel.”
Tourists are terrified. Locals are still more concerned about deer crossing the highway at Mach 7 every evening. 🦌💀